if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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