Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
