Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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