Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
