Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize