Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
