if you like me you must not know who I am
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
