i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am available for nakedness
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
