The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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