hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
