My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize