I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
