you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
