Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
