i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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