Christians are straight up FREAKS
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
