Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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