I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
