Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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