I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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