Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
