Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
