It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
