i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
