dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
