Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
be right there i have to get my cape
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
