Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
