My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
