nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
