yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
