she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize