Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
