You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
