I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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