just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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