Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
