Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
