he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
