'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
