I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
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