addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
