Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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