I'm jealous of your bromance
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
being pregnant is like rehab
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
