in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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