Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
