Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
