singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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