it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
organizing the empties. That sober.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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