You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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