I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
