I accidentally had phone sex last night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
