She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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