so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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