so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize