Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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