New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
