Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
