he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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