I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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