I must be too annoying 4 u.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
