i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
