I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Randomize
