Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
