I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
