There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
