You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
