Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We are two peas in an std pod
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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