I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
