I looked at my own cervix.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
