I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
