I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize