I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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