I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
