i can't believe i had my finger in that
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
