I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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