i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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