Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
3pm strippers are depressing
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
