he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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