I've blown a few things in my day
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
