If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just found puke in my bra..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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