hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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