I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
