M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
