Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
