ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize