the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize