So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
